How I Found TRUE LOVE after 45 years! (A 100% true American love story)

Although my post title might sound like an ad for a well-known "match-maker", I can assure you it is a real story about two real people.  I'll begin by stating that I have had many relationships, some short, some long, throughout my lifetime. Some good, some bad, some ending in friendships, and others, well, not so much. There were a few things I was sure of when it came to my idea of a relationship. The first being the fact that I knew, from a young age, that I would not settle. The second being that it might take a very long time to find the right person, and last, but not least, I was not going to allow anyone to change me into their idea of a suitable mate.  My true love, or as some say, "soul mate", would accept me for who I am, and have no interest in changing me in any way.

I had been engaged twice before.  The first time I was way too young, and it didn't feel right sharing my then fiance' with her secret boyfriend, so I decided to back out.  The second time was closer, but this time the secret boyfriend turned out to be a very close relative, whom I still love dearly to this day.  (Blood runs thicker than water, and you have to be able to forgive others mistakes)  I can HONESTLY say I have never cheated on any girl that I had agreed to have a commitment with, but ironically, I was cheated on by nearly every girl I ever had an exclusive agreement with, which was quite a few.  Each time it happened it got easier and easier to deal with.  I didn't understand why people would do that to each other, so I put a lot of hours into thinking about it.  I came up with a theory on this...which was the fact that humans are not intended to be monogamous from the start.   We are programmed at birth to have an animal attraction to the opposite sex, and I use the phrase "animal attraction" with purpose.  From what I have been able to determine, we have this attraction for the same reason animals have the attraction, and that is for the sole purpose of the survival of our species, which is reproduction.  Our natural instinct is to reproduce. We were not intended to reproduce with a certain mate, we were intended to reproduce with anyone who appeared attractive to us.  Another key word here is "appeared".  It didn't matter if the prospective sex partner was smart, or rich, or sensible, or Christian, or atheist.  What mattered was appearance, at least for the reproduction process (or what we now call sex).

For humans to become monogamous (having only one mate) would be a socially-formed idea that became much stronger when religion entered the picture, which was quite recent if you look at the BIG picture.   The idea of "family" is not limited to humans, but also runs through certain species of the animal kingdom, as well.  So, what I'm trying to say is...we cheat on each other due the the inability or unwillingness to ignore a natural animal instinct that is programmed inside of us from birth, and will likely evolve out of us over a long period of time as religion and the sanctity of marriage gives way to the next social "correctness" that takes its place.  I happen to be one person who has had the temptation, (and trust me, I have OFTEN had the temptation) but refused to act on it due to the pain it would cause a person I cared about.  It's just that simple, at least to me.  If you truly love the one you're with, you would NOT want to hurt them or cause them that much pain.  I realize we have developed millions of reasons and excuses to bypass this logical thought process, but all of those are just that....excuses.

I remember going through stages in my life, in and around my mid-twenties right up into my mid-forties, where I had too many girls to decide from, as well as droughts as long as the incredible personal record of my 3-year-drought, which I will never, ever forget.  I was never the type to be able to juggle more than one girl at a time, although, like any warm-blooded male, it remained a fantasy to pack as many naked women into my large bedroom at one time as could fit for the ultimate night of pleasure! Toward the end of my so-called 3 year drought, I was truly and seriously (at the young age of 42) entertaining the thought of giving up, being alone, and adopting the best sex-partner option I had at that time, which was the internet!  (I know, TMI, but Itend to tell it like it is!)

At this point I had already started to "nest', and it was obvious.  I had matured, found a steady and good-paying career, bought a house, and was putting all the pieces in place to attract my mate.   The only piece of the puzzle that was missing was the mate.   I was spending time at the classier bars, libraries, supermarkets  (I learned that from Fonzy), and other places where I thought I might find her.   I even considered putting out newspaper ads, flying ads on airplanes, and billboards, but was holding out thinking it was something you can't force.   I knew I had to be patient and let it come to me.  If I was too eager, any prospects would pick up on the vibe and think I was desperate.  I felt desperate.  I felt like my time was running out, and I began to feel like a failure.  I'm not exactly the easiest on the eyes, but I'm not Shrek, either.   It's no lie that from the time I left high school up until the time I was nesting, I never once had a girl give me "the look", or even a longer-than-usual glance, or even noticed I was in the room.  I was socially awkward, but only at first. Once I got to know people, I was the life of the party. I was, however, always the "second choice" or the guy that girls would talk to to in order to get a date with the guy I was hanging out with, etc...

One evening I was visited by one of my favorite nieces, and she brought up the question. She said, "Uncle Dave, when are you gonna get married?". I told her I had been looking but not finding, and that even searching the most popular "match" website was not working.  It seemed that all the ladies my age looked so damn old, or desperate, and I was just not having good luck.  I dated a few of them, but just not getting that warm-fuzzy.  So I brought her over to my PC and decided to prove my point.  We were going through my "matches" page after page, and my niece was starting to believe my excuse.  Suddenly, I clicked next, and BAMM!   I noticed one girl that stood out from the crowd.   I said to my niece, "Wait a minute, I didn't see her before!"  The picture was awesome, but was she real?  Was she desperate?  Was she uninterested?  My niece gave me the great advice to "wink" at her.  She winked back! My heart was already racing a little bit, and likely the reason all my other relationships failed (falling in lust wayyyyy too fast before love! hahaha)

After a few days of being too cheap to pay the membership fee, I tried to be clever.  The free service would not allow text messages with email addresses or URLs, so I stated "I'm in a band named "Don't Scare The Dog" and we have a website!  The hints went over her head, and just about the time I was ready to pay the fee rather than never know, SHE paid the fee to contact ME!  That was a first, and a big boost to my then-severely-damaged ego.  We chatted text-style for a few days,  and then I asked if I could call her. She agreed.   From looking at her picture, I was thinking she was from maybe the south-Pacific, or some exotic land, so I was expecting some type of accent.  When she answered the phone, I heard the accent.   I couldn't understand a word she was saying. Within a few minutes I learned why.  As I was trying to hear an exotic accent from another land, what I was actually hearing was the most awesome form of American dialect, which was Creole from New Orleans, Louisiana! (I tease her now and call it Ebonics, lol)  Suddenly it clicked in my head, and I could not only understand everything, I had the wonderful experience of falling in love with what I now affectionately call her "kind voice". It was too good to be true, SO FAR, and I was still determined to not get my hopes up. I really wanted to know more about this person, however.

We talked nearly every single night we could on the phone, for hours and hours and even into the morning some nights, and we rarely ran out of things to talk about. After a couple of weeks it was time to try to meet her in person. I always enjoyed taking it slow. I asked if I could meet her sometime during the upcoming weekend, and she explained she was flying up to New Orleans (we were in Florida) to visit her mother and family. She is one of four sisters. I said no problem, just call if you have time, and we'll meet when you come home. Nobody could have guessed what would happen next!

The very weekend Kelly (that is her real name) decided to visit her mother was the same weekend Katrina hit New Orleans!  Kelly wound up right smack-dab in the middle of the whole thing!  She and her sister, Margo, would weather the storm together, and fight their way out of a city that was devastated with flooding after Katrina made landfall with 120mph sustained winds.  I will not go into detail about the hurricane, assuming we all watched the news in horror.  Kelly and her sister walked and walked through flooded streets and sewage, without Margo's medication that was designed to keep her from having panic attacks.  While the storm was pelting the 2nd story of the wooden apartment house, I was talking her though it as if I had known her for years.  I was her point of contact, and was trying to give her clear direction on what to do next.  They were able to finally hitch-hike a ride with a local trucker to the Baton Rouge airport, where they had to "live" amongst Katrina refugees for four days until they could finally get a flight back to Florida.  Kelly was thankful for what I had helped her through, and we decided to put off the meet until she was able to recover from the trauma and dehydration that the disaster had caused her.  I couldn't wait to meet her, so that part was tough for me but I sucked it up.

After Margo returned home, and Kelly had somewhat returned to a state of normalcy at home and work, and she finally called me after one of the longest weeks of waiting in my life.  There were many times I thought I'd never hear from her again, but I had to give her that space.   She called and thanked me over and over for helping her when I really didn't know her, yet.   That would soon change. I didn't feel I had done anything special, as my role was from my safe house talking to her on the phone.  Kelly agreed to meet me for lunch at a local restaurant, and so we did. I was working for the local phone company at that time, and took my hour lunch to meet her.  I sat in my phone truck waiting for the red car to arrive.  I didn't realize there were so many red cars!  Finally, I saw her!  She looked really pretty as I watched her get out of her car.  I walked over to her slowly.  She turned and looked at me.  She looked different from the picture.  Her hair was a bit darker.  She was STUNNING to me.  We went inside and ordered our lunch.   As we ate, she never once made eye contact with me, and continued to be so shy that she kept looking down at the table, her food, and sometimes the bench seat.  She was...well...PERFECT in every sense so far.  I had always dreamed of being with a quiet and shy person, as boisterous loud girls are just simply a turn-off for me.  For some reason, I felt a calmness.   The calmness came from the fact that after one lunch with this girl, I absolutely knew, 100%, with zero doubt, that I would marry her! Yes, I now it sounds crazy, but it's true. What I didn't know, yet, was that she really liked me, too.

The next few months were simply "storybook".  We talked, we dined, we took drives, we saw movies, and I spent time getting to know her by driving to her apartment...time after time after time.  I learned she had been with the same guy for about 20 years, had two wonderful and grown children by him, and that a year before she had left him after finding out he was cheating on her.   It could NOT have been more perfect timing, or a more perfect fit.  She was not seeing it right away, and we joke today about her comment back then when she stated "We're just so different, this will never work".   We had the normal amount of arguments as time went by, and we just seemed to love spending every single moment together.  After, 2 years passed, our relationship grew stronger, and we decided to "shack up", as it simply made more economical sense for both of our situations.  We were testing the long-term possibilities of our relationship at this point, and it was working. I then decided to pop THE QUESTION!

I wanted to try something different, so I began by writing a song.  I then recorded myself on video playing and singing the song.  I took the day off work to put it all together. My plan began to fall apart when Kelly called around noon and said she would come home from work early because they were slow!  Oh NOOOO, I hadn't recorded my video proposal, yet!!!   (My plan was to videotape my proposal, get her to think we were going to watch a movie, play the proposal on TV, and videotape her response so she could have it forever).  I had ONE HOUR to put it together, and she came home while I was only half-way finished!  She kept asking me why I was going out into the back yard with the video camera while there was a light rain!  Somehow, I was able to convince her I was testing the camera I got my video-proposal footage in place by sitting under the gazebo out back in the rain and positioning myself behind a bush so she couldn't see me.

I then cam inside and I sat her down on the couch and said we really need to watch this movie!  She agreed, and I pushed play.  Suddenly, the video of me playing the song I wrote for her "It's My Time" began to play, and she was getting emotional sinply because the song was about "us".  Immediately after the song ended, my big face popped up on the TV and I began to propose to her from the TV, while simultaneously taking a knee in front of her while she sat on the sofa.  (I was secretly taping the entire event with the video camera hidden in the entertainment system, too!)  When she realized what was really happening, she went to tears, and so did I.  My video-self "fake-handed" me the ring though the TV, which I actually had in my hand already (like the quarter/ear trick) and it was simply magical when she said YES!!!!!!!  We now have video proof of the moment, and it was just incredible. On May 3rd, 2008, we married, and have been completely inseparable to this day. I love Kelly more than anything or anyone in my life, and now feel that waiting 45 years to find the right girl was, well, worth every single second!

I love you, Sweet Pea!

Here's the actual proposal, secretly caught on video, and it's 100% REAL!
You can hear me proposing from the DVD on the TV, and then I walk over and pretend to hand the ring to myself through the TV hahaha, Kelly had no idea because I told her we were going to watch a movie!  The footage is kinda dark and muffled as we had the lights off during the day and the shade was closed for movie-watching.  The audio is a little muffled because I hid the camera behind the glass doors of the entertainment system.

Dave Proposing To Kelly

Dave Lauber | Myspace Video

(Here's the recording of the song you can't see that was included in the video above!)