When I was a young teen, It was all music, all the time. I played drums, bass and guitar every chance I could. There was nothing more important to me back then. Not even girls! Well, maybe girls, but that's it! I listened to music every chance I could. All types of music, not just the heavy metal I was admitting to back then, but also Motown, disco, easy listening, Broadway musicals, big band, jazz, R&B, the WORKS! It was as if I couldn't get enough of it and I was sucking it down like it would all end soon. Well, that's not too far from the truth.
I continued to listen, all through high school, all through 6 years in the Army, all through college, all the while working countless jobs, but always had time for music. I was dissecting it piece by piece. I would learn the drum parts. I would learn the bass lines. I would learn the guitar leads. I seldom memorized the lyrics, although I enjoyed listening to the stories. I guess I just never thought I would be singing later. But, I memorized the parts and pieces better than most people, and I could actually see the artists in my head (or at least my vision of what the artists looked like) while the music was playing. I could envision what their hands were doing... how they were hitting the drums... how they were playing the bass and guitar chords. Most often, I could run right home after hearing a song on the radio, and grab my guitar or get behind the drums and play it, nearly perfect, first time through. My mother and father made sure I knew I had a gift. I had what they call a "gifted ear". My parents wanted to make sure I used my talents, so they supported me every step of the way.
I wasn't aware of why I was learning all these parts. In fact, I never put much thought into why. It wasn't some big plan to be a great musician one day. It wasn't a plan at all. It was simply because I liked, well, loved the music. All kinds of music, and the more complex, the better. I was like a sound sponge that never became saturated. I couldn't hear enough fast enough. When the songs came on the radio, time after time, I would notice everyone usually sang the words. I had to be different, so I would verbally recreate the drums or bass parts, or even the guitar rhythm tracks and leads. Sometimes it would even be piano, keyboard or from time to time, an orchestra instrument. It amazed me that there could be so many songs, and every single one was different.
I started my first band, The Visionary Sounds, when I was about 9. (I had been playing drums since 5 and a bit of acoustic guitar shortly after) It consisted of my mom's chord organ, some pots and pans, and a small Sears acoustic that belonged to my sister, but we were making music and it was really, really fun! Jumping ahead a bit, I joined band after band, each one different, each one getting a little better and better as time passed. Then, without and warning or even a clue, life happened. School was gone, and work appeared.
I now had bills to pay. Car insurance, rent, dating, beer, weed, more beer, more weed, and more beer, and weed. I had to make money in order to have fun, but although I never stopped listening to or playing music, it was different. It was no longer the center point. It was no longer the most important thing (next to girls). It became just another thing. More life went by, and music became more and more distant, like a friend that had lost touch, or a horizon you just never reach. It was there, waiting for me, when I could find the time. I could never seem to find the time. I was working, and working, and working some more. Eventually I would be working for the phone company installing fiber optic circuits, and music gave way to talk radio. I remembered making fun of my father because he listened to talk radio, and I was becoming, well, him. Not a bad thing, but a wake-up call. For many years at that job, I had a wonderful boss named Lenny. He was great when it came to being a "cool" boss, and things were bearable, although the company still found a way to make you feel like a number. I truly felt like a number. The same old crap, day in and day out. It paid well, but I knew there had to be something better. The good pay, heath insurance, job security, and other factors would keep me from "taking that leap of faith". I knew I wanted music back, but I couldn't take that first step.
Instead, I would run a small recording studio on the side, and play in a band here and there. Every time Monday came, it was back to the grind. It ate me apart, and made me into a sort of drone. I absolutely hated working for the "man". I was an empty shell of a person, as if I had lost my soul. Don't get me wrong, I was enjoying my life and in general was feeling happy on a day-to-day basis, but something was missing. The music. The passion for the music. Hell, I could turn on music anytime I wanted, for the most part. It was not the same. Work and life were just in the way, big time. And then something happened.
I got the news. My boss, Lenny, had a heart attack and died. Things quickly changed. We had a couple of "replacement" bosses. One was what we call a "fast tracker", or in other words, straight out of college and into my face! He would get transferred, but not before damage was done in the form of pink slips. I was pushing back, and I was not happy on the job. I was recently married to the most awesome girl, which made it nearly impossible to do anything about it. She was depending on me. Finally, I got yet another new boss. Let's just say we didn't hit it off the first day, and that was our best day since! We did not get along AT ALL. This guy was just full of it. I decided I was not going to put up with it, so I started pushing back. Didn't go well, but at this point I had had enough. Let's cut to the part where the most recent boss fired me, because I became a real big pain in his ass!
At first, I felt like I was lost...wandering for months and months. I had no idea what to do, and I slipped into a mild depression. My wife stood by me, for some reason, and she is still by my side, even after I told her...I am going to do music full time. If I don't try it before I die, I will go to my grave never forgiving myself for not trying. She completely understood why just about as much as she hated the idea! At first, it was a rough start. I had to break out of my funk. I had no idea what to do. I had to think, so think I did. Can I actually do this? I still don't know. What I do know is that I AM doing it. I am right in the middle of it, right now, as I type, being what I always dreamed of. That's right, I am "LIVING MY DREAM"!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I shouted that last part because it's the best decision I have ever made. It was a HUGE revelation, and it all finally came clear. It's not how much money you make, it's not who you know, it's not where you live, it's not any of that. It's WHO YOU ARE! I wasn't happy because I was trying to be someone I was not. I, for the first time in a long time, became MYSELF again! What a great feeling! I am now close to 50, and feeling like 23. I have more energy than even when I was 23. I love what I am doing so much that I work from 9am to 4am 7 days a week and it's not enough. I can't put it down, because it's not what I do, it's WHO I AM. So cliche, but so real. Now is a good time to tell you I am not making enough money to live at the level I was used to, but it's also a good time to tell you I just don't care...because I'm happy. My wife knows I'm happy, and she likes me happy. It's refreshing and hard to put into words how happy. I am not out of the woods. I still have to increase the income, but with this energy and motivation I am not concerned about that because I can feel it happening day to day.
I am spending my days in my own recording studio (http://lauberland.com, shameless plug) and filling in the rest playing drums, bass and guitar in multiple bands and projects, having a blast, and using all of those parts I memorized as a child to my benefit! I just went to a bass audition with a new band this past week, and I didn't even have to practice any of the 32 songs. When we got finished going over them, they said "You're IN if you want it!" The best part of all of this is not knowing what's on the horizon. I don't want to know, and that was the problem with the way things were before. It was just so predictable. Now, this is what I call living life. Find out who you are, and be that person. Learn what you love to do more than anything, and do it the best you can, and you will find success. I have heard it before, but now I believe it!
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